


i think it's finally finally finally finally finally safe (for me to fall)

by SeptemberSevertana



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baker!Catra, F/F, Gen, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, mentioned Adora/Huntara (She-Ra) - Freeform, mentioned Adora/Mara (She-Ra) - Freeform, mentioned Seahawk/Mermista (She-Ra)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22315546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberSevertana/pseuds/SeptemberSevertana
Summary: Glimmer and Catra live together. Catra never leaves the apartment. Glimmer gets frustrated. Eventually, they talk about it like adults.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra), Catra/Glimmer (She-Ra), mentioned Adora/Huntara (She-Ra), mentioned Adora/Mara (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 110





	i think it's finally finally finally finally finally safe (for me to fall)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Finally // beautiful stranger" by the brilliantly talented Halsey. 
> 
> This work is unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own. I wrote this just today, and I wanted to show it to you guys before today was over. I've had a rough couple of days, not for any real reason, I've just not felt like myself. But I felt a lot better writing this, so I hope you guys enjoy and get a break today to do whatever makes you happy, too. :)

“I’m heading to Adora and Bow’s place but I’ll stop at the store on the way back. Do you need anything?” Glimmer called from her room, coming out briskly, her purse swinging wildly behind her. 

“Oranges? Because you love me?” Catra asked, arm-deep in kneading bread. 

Glimmer smiled. “Fine. I'll be back soon!” 

“Have fun!” 

…

“I’m heading to Bow and Adora’s place. I promise to raid their pantry if they have any of the good stuff. Or if they have vegetables, because grown adults need vegetables in their diets, too.” 

“Best roommate ever!” Catra shouted, her mouth half-full of chocolate frosting that she’d been sampling a little too much during her cake-baking process. “Except for the vegetable part, that’s you being the worst.”

“I know,” Glimmer said, grinning.

“I love youuuuuuu!” She turned back to her cake, flipping the oven light switch on. “Just please don’t tell them how much cake batter I ate before this masterpiece is finished. Adora would give me such a disappointed look.” 

…

“I’m leaving for Rainbow Squad HQ!” Glimmer yelled to Catra over the sound of the shower. 

“Hey, I resent that,” Catra replied, her head poking out from the shower curtain barely visible through the cracked door. “I’m just as much of a Rainbow Squad member as any of you.” 

“Yes, but they cosigned the lease for HQ and are responsible adults whereas I bribe you to let me stay with copious amounts of food and good company.” 

“Nobody said all the gays had to be responsible!” protested Catra, a bitten-off curse word falling out as she dropped the shampoo bottle. 

“I don’t make the rules.” Glimmer gathered up her keys. “Be prepared for me to be drunk as fuck when I get back: Bow is throwing a bachelor party for some guy from his work at the HQ and he offered to be the designated driver for all of us.” 

“Got it. Love you, hon!” 

…

“Adora and Huntara just broke up again, so I’m heading over there to do some consoling.” 

Catra turned to look at Glimmer askance from the computer monitor. “Who did the breaking up?” 

“Huntara.” 

“Figures.” Catra opened another Excel tab. “I’ll make her something. Does Adora like brownies?” 

“You know she does.” Glimmer grabbed her coat off the hook by the door. “You could come with me. I don’t think Adora would object to getting another person on her level of drunk.”

“She doesn’t want me there,” Catra replied dismissively, glancing at the scribbled data in her notebook to transfer it to the spreadsheet. She had to find a cost-effective brand of gluten-free flour and Scorpia had listed four different brands she’d have to look into. “Trust me.” 

Glimmer didn’t answer, putting on her jacket and stealing the good vodka from the freezer before Catra could object. 

“Love you,” she murmured as the door closed behind Glimmer. 

…

Glimmer was laughing and Catra was smiling and Glimmer’s head was in Catra’s lap and everything glowed. Catra was dramatically reading her dad’s cookbook aloud because she’s hit a brick wall in caking and she needed a break. Glimmer had come home from work after a long, long day and just wanted something mindless to do. 

Adora called. Glimmer answered the phone because that’s the kind of friend she was. And then she said, “I gotta go over to Bow and Adora’s. She’s having a tough time with the breakup and she needs me.” 

All Catra could reply was, “Do you need any lemon bars for the road? They’re just a tiny bit off somehow but I don’t think Adora will notice.” 

“We’re good, but thanks.” And Glimmer sat up, smoothed a blot of flour off of Catra’s forehead, and left. 

“Love you, text me when you’re heading home.” The roads were icy this time of year.

…

“Adora and Bow and I are heading to a housewarming party.” Glimmer folded her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. “Well? Are you coming?” 

Catra was laying on her side on the couch, her feet propped up on its arms and a blanket covering from her neck to her ankles. 

“It’s Seahawk and Mermista’s party. They finally signed a lease together after dating for three years and we’re trying to encourage this forward-moving behavior.” 

Catra didn’t respond. 

“I know you don’t know them very well, but you and Mermista would hit it off.” 

Catra pulled her knees into her chest, tucked her feet under her blanket. 

Glimmer sighed. “Sometime we’re going to talk about this, okay? I’ll text you when I’m home in case you’re not awake.” She went through the door and closed it as softly as if Catra were already asleep. 

_Love you_ , Catra thought. _I hope you have a good time._

…

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, Glimmer, can you come in here please?” 

Glimmer entered the kitchen, her eyebrows raised almost past her hairline. “Should I be concerned? Is the apartment going to burn down?” 

Catra shook her head. “Nothing like that. But nobody can deliver today. Lonnie has some family thing, Kyle is sick for the third time this month and Rogelio has a horrific fluid mechanics exam. There’s no one, and this needs to get to the law firm on Sixth, they’re one of my biggest clients, I can’t afford to lose them, I’m trying to save money, I really need this job done-”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Glimmer put a hand on her shoulder. “I can deliver it, just this once.”

“You can?” Catra asked tentatively. “Are you sure it isn’t too out of your way?” 

“I needed to go back to the office anyway, I left some plans there when I went on lunch.” Glimmer carefully picked up the box of assorted croissants and donuts and carried them to the door. “Just this once okay?”

“Yes, of course.” Catra waved Glimmer off, berating herself. She couldn’t rely on Glimmer too closely. That was just a bad idea, and she couldn’t afford too many bad ideas like that these days.

…

“We’re going out on the town!” Glimmer said excitedly. “It’s been so long since Adora’s felt up to it and Bow and I are just there to support her. And maybe there’ll be cute humans there,” she singsonged. 

“Have fun,” Catra answered absentmindedly. She’d bought another piping bag and was carefully putting a border on a giant sugar cookie. 

“I swear you only speak to me and those poor kids who run your errands.” 

“So what if I do?” Catra replied defensively. 

Glimmer huffed. “Never mind. I’ll be home around one, probably. Maybe later if I meet someone nice.” 

Catra visibly shuddered, her piping becoming a little unsteady. 

“I won’t bring them back here,” Glimmer reassured, her head down. “You won’t have to worry about that.” 

Catra paused, turned to apologize, but caught off by Glimmer slamming the door. 

…

“See, if you’d just talk to me, we wouldn’t be having this fight again!” 

“I have everything I need here!” Catra retorted. “Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio do my deliveries and Scorpia brings me my supplies. I don’t ever have to leave and it’s fucking ridiculous that you’re trying to make me!” 

“This isn’t healthy, though. Not wanting to talk to Adora I get, Bow can be a bit much, I know that, and I’d be okay if you were just an introvert who needed a lot of space but you aren’t! You _want_ to be around other people but you trap yourself in here. Have you even left in the past week?”

Catra resolutely didn’t answer, putting a batch of cupcakes on top of the microwave to cool. 

“Past two weeks?” 

“More like two months,” Catra muttered, pots and pans clanging as she fumbled for her ganache bowl. 

“Two _months_?” Glimmer exclaimed. “Sixty days?!” 

“That’s what I fucking said, isn’t it?” Catra spilled some vanilla extract onto a cut on her finger and hissed. 

“That’s beyond not liking people, Catra, can’t you see that? Something is really wrong, and you’re ignoring it!” 

Catra shook her head. “Even if there was, it’s my life, and it’s my business, and you need to stay out of it.” 

Glimmer went into her room and came out carrying her keys and a duffle bag. “I’m going to Adora and Bow’s for a while. I can’t be around you when you’re like this.” 

“Fine, go.” Catra had her back to the door, holding herself still until she saw Glimmer step out onto the street through the window. Glimmer didn’t even look back. 

…

“She’s always _here,_ like I can’t escape her….she’s always in my space, in my life, and she never leaves, and it’s so frustrating!” 

Catra sat crosslegged on the tile floor in front of the oven, watching bran muffins rise. Glimmer was on the phone in her room with the door shut. 

“I don’t know what to do, she refuses to talk to me about it.” 

There were seven minutes left on the timer. 

“I’m going stir-crazy, is there any way you guys will be home tonight?” 

Adora and Bow had gone somewhere on a business trip, something about a new donor, three days ago. 

“Great, okay, I’ll throw some stuff in a bag and be there in a half-hour.” 

Glimmer came out of her room a few minutes later and left without saying goodbye. The timer for the muffins went off. 

…

“She’s going to leave me,” Catra said matter-of-factly, taking as many groceries as she could. “It’s only a matter of time. She has enough saved for a studio or she could move in with the Rainbow Squad, she doesn’t need my half of the rent anymore.” 

Scorpia made a sad noise under her breath. “Are you sure? Have you asked her?” 

Catra shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t need to. She’s tired of me, she feels stifled, and I don’t blame her.”

“Have you told her about the-” 

“About my agoraphobia? How well do you think that’d go down? Oh, not only am I annoying the shit out of her but there’s no real cure, so I’ll have no choice but to continue to annoy the shit out of her?” Catra shook her head. “It’s better that she leaves now and we never have to have that conversation. She’s going to pity me and make it all about how if I _really try_ she’s sure it’ll get better.” 

“You’re still video-calling your therapist?” 

“Twice a week.” Catra took three bags of flour to the pantry, then paused. “I hate doing this to her. But just thinking about leaving makes me want to just…” 

“I know,” Scorpia replied. “I know.” 

“Thanks for coming by.” Catra accepted Scorpia’s hug. “If you run into her as you’re going down the stairs, tell her I’m going to take a nap.” 

Catra and Scorpia both knew that Glimmer wouldn’t be coming back until ten pm or later, but Catra liked that Scorpia didn’t point it out. 

…

“I’m going to Adora and Bow’s,” Glimmer said, her voice shaking. “I don’t know how long I’ll be.” 

Catra stopped stirring the bowl of frosting on her lap. Glimmer had a suitcase this time. “Long enough,” she replied quietly. 

Glimmer let out a long breath. “Yeah.” She left, her key turning in the lock behind her. 

Catra didn’t notice she was crying until a drop of water hit the frosting. Setting the bowl down, she dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, trying to stop. 

…

When Catra wasn’t baking, she spent the next three days sleeping. Every new batch of whatever sugary nonsense came out of the oven, she decorated them and went to bed for as many hours as she could before she had to make another batch. Scorpia stopped by once to bring her flour and baking soda, and Lonnie and Kyle both came by to gather up the baked goods for delivery. Lonnie told her to take a shower, after grabbing her in the fastest hug possible. Kyle brought her a grapefruit, telling her he knew she was having a hard time and that she liked citrus fruit. 

Scorpia told her that she would always care about Catra, no matter what, no matter if her disorder ever got better. 

Catra needed to hear that. 

She gave a small smile for the first time in what felt like weeks. Then she closed the door and went back to bed.

…

“Catra. Catra, darling, can you wake up please?” 

Catra blinked blearily. She was on the floor. Not sure how she got there. She must have fallen asleep again. “I’m awake,” she slurred. And she looked up. And Glimmer was standing there. 

Okay, this definitely wasn’t real. Whatever. “I thought you’d left.” 

Glimmer gently leaned her suitcase against the counter. “Are you okay?”

“No. Whatever gave you that impression?” Catra sat up, groping around the counter for her little timer. “I still have a few minutes. Do you have anything else to ask?” 

Dream-Glimmer stepped forward to catch Catra before she got off balance and fell back on the floor. “Why can’t you leave the apartment?” 

Catra reached her fingers to touch the skin of Glimmer’s cheek. Her cheek was damp; foundation came off on Catra’s fingertips. “I’ve been diagnosed with a psychological disorder known as agoraphobia. Do you know what that means?” 

“Fear of open spaces, right?” 

“I knew you studied etymology at some point in college,” Catra replied softly. “More precisely, I experienced trauma as a child in many public spaces with no hope of escape. And now I don’t feel safe leaving enclosed environments where I feel completely in control, otherwise, I get panic attacks.”

“Can I ask what happened?” Glimmer’s cheeks were properly wet now, and Catra hugged her close. She had missed Glimmer’s hugs. 

“My foster mother, Mrs. Weaver, had a stun gun that she’d use on me whenever I did something she didn’t like. If I misbehaved at a grocery store, she’d shock me. It was really painful, and sometimes I screamed, but she always convinced whoever came to see what was the matter that it was just me being a brat. I became constantly afraid that she’d find me, even after she was arrested, and shock me over and over again, to the point where I stopped going to crowded places like stores and stopped going to college. I nearly dropped out, but once I had enough money to take a psych eval, my psychiatrist got me a 504 plan so I could take all my classes online. I got a business degree and started my bakery but I still need a lot of work on myself and my SSRIs to even function this well. Without Scorpia and my delivery people, I wouldn’t even be able to do this.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“Because I was ashamed. Adora’s known, we grew up together, but I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to look at me differently.”

“I want to help you,” Glimmer said, and she was crying and Catra loved her for saying it. 

“You don’t have to. You’re under no obligation to keep living with me or dealing with my disorder, okay? It’s a lot to put on somebody.” 

Glimmer shook her head. “Every time I leave I know it’s okay because I’ll always come back to you. I don’t know what the fuck I would do if I didn’t have you to come home to, agoraphobia and way too many baked goods aside, okay?” 

Catra opened her eyes. She didn’t remember closing them, tensing herself with the prospect that Glimmer would walk out forever. “You mean that?” 

“I mean that. I love you.”

“You love me?” Catra asked, almost unable to speak in her surprise. 

“I know you always say you love me too but you probably don’t mean it like that.” 

“No, I do, I’m not nearly subtle enough for that shit,” Catra shot back, immediately slapping a hand over her mouth afterward. 

“Good. Cool. Great, alright. We’ve established that.” Glimmer looked down at her feet. 

Catra tried to kiss her and kind of headbutt-kissed Glimmer’s chin before Glimmer tilted her head back up and kissed back. She tasted like oranges, oranges and Glimmer-flavor. 

…

“Are you ready?” Glimmer asked. 

“I hate this. I hate this so much.” 

“I know you do, but you told me that you wanted to build up a tolerance to...you know. This.”

“Yesterday-Catra was a fucking idiot.” 

“No, she is incredibly brave.” And Glimmer’s eyes were beautiful. Fuck.

“Fine.” Catra held her housekeys in a death grip. Glimmer was on the other side of the doorframe just two steps away. Two steps. Alright. 

One. 

Two.

She grabbed Glimmer’s hands as Glimmer rained kisses on her face. She took deep breaths. After a few seconds, Catra took two steps back and practically collapsed into the chair by the door. 

“That felt...I did it. It’s been a long time since…” She huffed in a hysterical breath. “I haven’t left in such a long time. I should have been able to do better.”

“It’s a process,” Glimmer replied shaking her head. “Today, you took two steps. Tomorrow, you try again.” 

“Tomorrow, I try again,” Catra repeated. 

…

“I’m going to Adora and Bow’s house,” Glimmer called from the bedroom. “Adora’s dating this woman called Mara and she wants Bow and me to meet her.” 

“This is a marked improvement over the Huntara dating timeline,” Catra replied. “How buff is she?” 

Glimmer poked her head out. “This is Adora we’re talking about, what do you think?” 

Catra laughed. “Well, tell everybody hi from me. I have this huge-ass wedding cake to finish.” 

“Isn’t that the fifth one this month?” 

Shrugging, Catra said, “I guess I’m pretty damn cool among the affianced.” She set her bowl of lemon glaze down and crossed the kitchen to peck Glimmer on the lips. “I’ll walk you out.” 

And she did. Catra managed to stand on the doorstep to her building. The air smelled good, like spring. Like life.

**Author's Note:**

> My knowledge of the intricacies of agoraphobia is limited, so any feedback would be welcome. If you or someone you know is having feelings like the ones in this work, make sure you talk to somebody. Take care of yourselves, my lovelies, I hope you have a wonderful day. :)


End file.
